SIR - Two gents heard on the 686 to Fagley.

“Been away, Jim?” “Aye, been up to Newcastle." “Football?” “Nah, a few days with the missus, looking at the sights and went to a show.”

“Which one?” “The Last Ship”, the musical written by Sting." “What, 'the Police' Sting?” “Aye, it’s about the decline of shipbuilding on the Tyne.” “There’s no shipbuilding there now, is there?”

“Nah, not since 2006, but back then it was bustling. One of the backdrops showed a street between terraced houses in the 1950s. Workers walking to work, hundreds of them, nay, thousands, down this ‘ere cobbled street, where at the end towered the prow of an enormous ship, massive, dominating everything.”

“Huh! That’s nowt! There’s summat dumped at the end of our street nearly every week. Last week, as well as the usual load of black bin-liners full of rubbish, a plastic patio set, a couple of large foam mattresses and, would you believe it, a snooker table?”

“Full size?” “Nah, about four by six though!”

“Who dumped that lot?” “Dunno.”

“Y’know, I think I’d rather find the Torrey Canyon at the end of the street. Not as much mess to clear up.” "Aye"

(Both sigh loudly)

A Waterhouse, Barmby Road, Bradford